The ‘What Happened There Then?’ Awards

This is the section where I warn others not to make the same mistakes I did. These albums were eligible for the list, and I bought them expecting to love them. Suffice to say I didn’t. Best avoid:

Bright Eyes
Digital Ash In A Digital Urn

Back in the spring Bright Eyes released two albums on the same day. I first bought I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning and loved it (you may have noticed this came a very solid 12th on THE LIST), so soon after I rushed out and bought this too. And it’s just not for me: I tried, but I just don’t get it. I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning is so full of warmth and joy. This leaves me cold. Digital Ash In A Digital Urn is a much more electronic album, and uses synthesisers instead of guitars. Electro-folk (???). I am not amused. The saving grace is the final track, ‘Easy/Lucky/Free’ which is a great song. The rest… Even the cover and inlay are a bit crap (track list please, Mr Oberst). This isn’t a bad or painful album, just not a very good one, and suffers because a direct comparison can be made to its wonderful sister album. Was gonna say Conner should stick to the day job of heartfelt folksy musings, but then his rock band Desaparecidos rule, so who knows. Well done for trying something a bit different, pity it blows.

Jamiroquai
Dynamite

Well, this is just rubbish. By far the worst Jamiroquai album, this is just by the numbers shit from a band capable of so much more. Let’s sell to saps by re-releasing (previous worst album) Travelling Without Moving but take out all the things that made it even slightly good. Ignore the fairly good reviews, this is soulless bollocks. It makes it really hard to defend Jamiroquai to my many friends who hate them when they release shit like this. Maybe the end of the road.

Coldplay
X&Y

I know that you are either supposed to love or hate Coldplay, but I’m just not sure anymore. I don’t feel either love or hate. I bought Parachutes and was not impressed, then was somehow convinced to also buy A Rush Of Blood To The Head and was very impressed indeed. And now this. It is fine I suppose, and certainly better than their debut. I guess it is the sound of a band becoming the biggest band in the world, but to me it is just a little…cold. The songs are of a good quality, but the passion, the real soul that made A Rush Of Blood To The Head something special is gone. I like every track here, and I certainly don’t hate this, but I was expecting a mainstream masterpiece. Instead I got a bit of a plodder. Go buy Engineers’ debut instead.

Mars Volta
Frances The Mute

The biggest ‘What Happened There Then?’ Award of the year has to go to the second Mars Volta album. Its predecessor, the ridiculously named De-Loused In The Comatorium, was one of my favourite albums of 2003 (see below). In contrast, this wasn’t even considered for a top 20 placing when I came to draw up this year’s list. I guess it just shows the fine line that prog bands walk. Their debut was innovative and exciting, whilst staying grounded in some semblance of sense. This just goes off on one. Brilliant musicianship is completely worthless if it has no direction. This is a big mess: where are the songs, when will this guitar solo end, when will those horrible, horrible vocal effects go away, what is going on???? A big splurging cow pat of an album.

For me, Frances The Mute sees Mars Volta disappearing up their own backsides in search of prog ecstasy. Let’s hope they find their way back out again, cause this is just shit.